I can't really remember where all I left off, and don't want to go back through my posts right now because I had the motivation to update, and wanted to run with it ---obviously, I haven't had that urge lately:)
EMBRYO UPDATE:
We have a total of 5 embryos frozen.
2 A-'s
1 B+
1 B
1 C+
That's great!
I guess i didn't know at the time of the last post, but we froze all embryos. My dr decided there was too much risk of my hyperstimming, so that's what he recommended, and where we were leaning anyway. The stats are just as high for pregnancy, but the risk is lower; win win!
It's been about a week since I updated last. Since then I DID present to my CEO, and it went SO WELL. It was like the scene in Old School when Will Ferrell passes out and does the speech, but doesn't remember. I can't say I was on his level, but it was like an instant calm; my head was clear and I was able to calmly and confidently give my presentation. For anyone who knows me, those aren't my favorite things to do; it must be a control/exposure issue. I like to think a lot and analyze a lot before acting or speaking (unless I'm being a total goof ball, but that wouldn't have worked in this situation). I'm either very thoughtful or completely goofy and spontaneous. There's not a good in between. Not a great small talker. I'll do it. But I suck at it mentally if nothing else. I check out and can't "get there." And I feel hollow later like I wasn't in it and was fake. I have to be talking about serious stuff with someone, or talking about farts. Not much I can do passionately in between.
Anyway, I'm way off track. The presentation went well, yay!
Back to babies:
So I am doing an FET: Frozen Embryo Transfer. This is much less from a medication standpoint and visits to the office standpoint. yay. Now from a shot standpoint it could be much more...here's pretty much how it goes:
About 9 days - take birth control
About 2-3 weeks - take Lupron shots (to suppress ovulation) and estrogen pills (to encourage a nice think uterine lining for implantation).
5 days prior to embryo transfer - start the butt shots of progesterone because your body didn't ovulate so it thinks theres no way you could have a baby and need progesterone...surprise! The Dr will be transferring that little miracle, so yes you do need progesterone, so Matt will give me these shots.
TRANSFER
Then, more daily progesterone shots in the butt
If pregnant: continue progesterone up to 9 weeks
If not: be sad, but rebound and try again; yes, my love, try again.
So, I'm currently on day 2 of birth control, so we have a long way to go. Jan 12 is the estimated transfer day, so almost a month from today.
Oh, check this out, so I started my period last wednesday. It was glorious. I mean it totally sucked in that it was painful and I never realized i could bleed so much, but I felt a 100% rebound!! I had NO CLUE how crazy my mind and body felt until it went away. It was literally like the minute my period came, my body snapped back to normal. And so did my thinking and disposition. Not that I'd been moping around, but I'd be so exhausted and just "off." It's like my body needed to have a restart. I was almost euphoric. I also rejoiced in the fact that it was an emotionless period. First one of those in 4 years. For the past four years my period came with the slap in the face that I wasn't pregnant. This one just was. If anything, it was awesome because I could start my FET cycle. Yay for small things like happiness over your period.
That's about it. I've been strangely happier through this process. I guess because I'm hopeful again, and feel like I have more to look forward to again. Ohhh, the dread that it won't work out; it creeps in and tries to steal my joy. But I'm going to hold on to it. Could I get hurt? Sure. I could be devastated. But I'll survive. We live until we die, and infertility isn't deadly. It sucks. But life goes on (appropriate for this blog name).
Here's another oddity: I've lost 10 POUNDS during IVF. Ummm, why? It's odd. Those who know me know I love food, and stress does not affect my eating. Really nothing does. I have always looked in awe at those who "forget to eat." WHAT YOU SAY? But I have noticed I haven't been as interested in food (until my period came, and I'm telling you I was back to me again, but a better me!) Also, during the last 3 weeks I was either bloated from super huge ovaries, or the minor surgery, so big meals hurt. And, I can eat big meals (probably what keeps me at a healthy over vs. under the mid point weight I should be). Another biggie? Alcohol. Yes, I should have mentioned that first:) Not that I'm an alcoholic, but I could drink a bottle of wine in a night. We drink on the weekends and Thursdays, and I can drink a lot. I don't get drunk. Not that I'd go drive somewhere, but I just enjoy it, and am not super affected like stumbling, slurring, etc; and that's a lot of calories! So, I quit pretty much totally when I started shots with IVF. That was over a month ago, and I lost 5 pounds in a week following. So, between no alcohol (but a little), feeling like a bowling ball is in my gut, and being out of sorts and not thinking about food all the time (which was weird), I lost weight while most gain when taking those meds. I guess those chicks don't drink straight Jameson. kidding! Not about the Jameson, because I do like Jameson on ice, but I am kid-ish about the whole thing. Just think it's interesting.
It's just 'fun' witnessing the changes. The moods. The weight. The ups and downs. The pregnancy symptoms. The outbursts. The insane thoughts. The "i don't feel like myself." Just all of it has been so interesting, and then I started and felt like Amanda New and Improved! But hey, I did it! I made it, and 5 awesome embryos are hopefully waiting to be our kiddos. I'm cool with 5 kids. I'd be overjoyed. Shaa, it's a crazy load of responsibility, but I'm saying if 5 is how this plays out, give me 5! I'm just praying for at least 1. Matt would be freaked out (thinking about it), but he'd be fine, too:) He'll be a better parent than I will. Now statistically, we'll have 50% of the embryos. Since we can't have a half, we should hopefully and prayerfully have 2-3 kiddos. That'd be the best miracle! I'm praying for that, but I'm okay with as many or as few (down to 0) children if that's God's will. I'll fight it if it's zero. But, only because i feel lead to be a mom. And until something happens that says, "Let it go Amanda, it's not for you" then I'm continuing on this path.
So, please pray for us and our embryos. I think about them often. Especially that little C+. Never underestimate persistence and stubbornness. That little guy wouldn't stop fighting and the dr, last minute, surprised, said "we checked it again, and it was good to freeze." It was funny. They called me Saturday and said they had 3, but were monitoring 2 more for Sunday. Sunday would be the last day before making the call. Sunday, they called and said 1 more made it. So, we had 4. Then, Monday, I called the dr to get the stats (a's, b's, c's, etc), and he said by the way, the other one made it, so you have 5. I picture that last one thinking, "no, I can do this, watch my cells multiply!!" And it did. I'm so proud of it.
And, I can't wait for the transfer. My heart is bursting with excitement and suspense.
Night Night! Amanda
We had our house on the Christmas Home Tour, so i had to get it ready way early in prep for bed rest. I would have been on bed rest this night. After Matt and I getting up early, cleaning, then hosting from 5-9pm, he said, "I'd have had to cancel this if you were on bed rest." It was a lot more work than I'd estimated:) but fun, and yay for having Christmas out to enjoy for all of December!
Matt took a picture of me practicing my presentation for our Executive Committee. So. Serious.
Christmas Parade night! Izaac, Woody, and Larry watch Ninja Turtles before the parade starts.
Parade time!
cheers! had the best time. Love my friends. They keep me sane and are true blessings:)
I took pics of H and AR for Christmas cards; this was one of many pictures, but thought it was cute!
This was what i jotted down while on the phone with the dr at work; our embryos. Nicely displayed on a white board at the zone. So odd, but also sweet.
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