I went back to work today. It was actually refreshing. I got super tired, and also noticed I was totally breathless when presenting to my boss's boss's boss today, and I kept having hot flashes. I thought I was losing it, but it turns out I think it's the prednisone. Damn steroid.
I got a lot done today, and was calm. I worked late, but again, it felt nice to go be productive and not stress over it. My boss's boss's boss informed me I'll be presenting to our executive committee on Monday, which includes my CEO. I didn't pass out. I'll just do it. I may end up venturing into a conversation and impromptu sans power point slide presentation on IVF, but that's okay. Because let's be honest. IVF has consumed my thoughts. The topic he has me presenting on has been the biggest project i've been working on over the last year, and I initially struggled with wrapping my brain around what that even was...have I mentioned I've poured myself into IVF? What's work?! I kind of forgot all the ins and outs of it, but it all came back to me today. My passion was back, and I know i'll be fine Monday. I may sweat more and I may get more 'emotional' than usual because I am a walking hormone, but I'm sure i'll live. I gave myself 30 shots. I can give a presentation.
So, that was my work story, now on to other important things....
The 'hard to understand' lab dr person called today with an update. As I mentioned in my last post, we had 7 fertilized embryos yesterday. Well, today we still have 7! 5 are grade A and 2 are grade B. That's not bad! Matt's boss said, "sounds like you have 5 Amanda's and 2 Matt's." Funny funny. If that's the case those B's will fight through because Matt can be stubborn as hell. The attrition rate still looks good and normal. I am prepared that we will lose some maybe many before we can freeze. They have to make it to day 5 remember....that goes for transferring and freezing in most cases.
I am praying that all 7 make it to freeze. If we ended up with 7 kids so be it, but statistically, if 7 made it to freeze, we may loose 1 in the unthawing, and there is no guarantee these will implant at transfer. Usually that is not the case. I'm trying not to sound greedy, but if the 7 can make it, then I encourage that. Let me end that thought with God knows what's going on and His will is being done whether it's 0 or 7 or somewhere in between. This is all perfect. Thats comforting to know. A lot of things i don't understand about life. I don't understand myself sometimes (okay, many times). I'm so flawed and sinful and gross sometimes, but I have total faith in God's perfect plan. Do I deserve it? Yes, because I'm saved through grace. But do I deserve it outside of that? noway dude. noway. I'm thankful for each day, each step, each lesson, each trial; it's all part of this perfect plan that leads us to a better place.
I'm trying to stay focused there.
No pics today. That's what happens when I go back to work. I get more boring...ha!
Amanda
No comments:
Post a Comment