Day 13 - Injection Training, say what?? - November 4, 2014

Today Matt and I had injection training for IVF. We knew it was coming, but I guess I hadn't fully realized how many shots I'd be giving myself and how many different medications...having to remember dosage, do I mix this solution with the powder, okay use the 27 gauge needle to mix, and the 23 gauge to give the shot, this is refrigerated, this is not, but this is refrigerated and sets out for 15 minutes prior to injection, this is a pen shot with clicks to measure your dosage, these are at night, these are in the morning, AHHHHHH!
I was sweating. Seriously, but it was hot in the doctors office today. Still it was driven mostly by nerves. But we can do this! People give themselves shots every day. For some people that's their lives (i have newfound respect for these people, either due to allergies or an illness, YOU PEOPLE ROCK!)

So, today I gave myself a practice shot in the belly. It went like this....grab a chunk of belly fat...aim...debate...look at the needle...90 degree angle...look at the skin...visualize pushing it in the skin....get nervous...go for it...change your mind...and then bam, I just did it. It was weirdly exhilarating. Then, Matt had to practice giving me the HCG shot. The "trigger" shot. This one will be the most important; it happens the night before egg retrieval. He has to give it to me because it has to be muscular, aka in the booty. Well, he did it! I was so proud. That one hurt way less than the one I gave myself. He was really nervous, and there was hesitation, but he did it! Again, we can do it!!

Now, we just have to get my meds in. They come in a big box straight from CVS Caremark. It'll be like IVF med Christmas. I'm ready to get this started. Thankfully, there are youtube tutorials on how to give each type of medicine.  I know i'll need the reminder since today was so very overwhelming. The week before retrieval, I'm giving myself three shots a day; I'm so thankful that Matt is very detailed and supportive. He will help me so much, and that is such a blessing.

I can say all this a bit more lightly now (that I've had two glasses of wine), but I will admit earlier I was in tears from being overwhelmed. It was scary going into a room with two nurses who pull out a box of meds and syringes and vials and start instructing you on how to handle the next 4 weeks. I was thinking that I just couldn't do it. Not the shot giving, but just the overall process. It's so much and I started getting scared I'd mess up. I just wasn't prepared for how that would feel. But that's what this is. It's a process, and it comes with instructions and support, thankfully. We. Are. Ready. I'm working to decrease stress and increase positivity. I know it will be okay regardless of any outcome. Our faith is strong and God it too good to us.

Side story funny: so I was reading the 'schedule' and when it got to the night of the HCG shot it said, "deliver HCG shot; take a valium and go to bed" (LOL LOL LOL). Don't know why but that made me laugh; hahahaha, take the big shot then relax beeotch! it's out of your hands! Maybe I overdid the humor of this, but i was just reading along so seriously then saw that and it made me laugh and relax. It reminded me....you can do all you can follow all instructions but God is in control so just do what you can and rest in that. It's all under control.

Until next time!
oh tomorrow I turn 33. Have I ever said I don't like the #3? Gah, i'm just realizing this. and 3 + 3 is 6. And I don't like that number either. poo.
I don't like the # 3 because when I was little I used to think the #3 meant our family minus 1. And the thought of that was so very sad. It was me my mom my dad and brother. 4. My favorite. Add my grandparents you get 8. My all time favorite number. The only better number was 48...my two favorites together that ends with my ultimate fave.

 3 was a sad number. Man down. Never liked it.

I digress, and guess I'll sum it up with here's to 33. Let's make this a good age, and learn to love that number 3!!! Here's to knowing things can change; like infertility being conquered and learning to love the #3.

(gah, i feel weird for sharing all that).
Whatevs, night night! Amanda

I'm ending this post with this picture. No, not because we are rocking some twinkie bathing suits, or because my sister in law is awesome and a great support, but also because of my glaring scar from surgery. I love it. Am I weird? Maybe. But i love it. It represents my baby that was never born, and proof and comfort that even outwardly he/she won't be forgotten. I wear the reminder. I miss that baby and I miss my tube, but I'm forever hopeful in what is to come. It's a reminder to me that I'm tough and so was that stubborn embryo that refused to move along (or it was being lazy like I can be sometimes, too)...or maybe it encountered a mean tube and fought and fought but had no other way. Either way, rock on. I remember you, I love you, you lived a strong and real purpose, and I'm thankful for the scarred reminder.