JUST LIKE THAT - BAM! We are PREGNANT!!!!
I don't even know where to start because I haven't updated at all this week; but as you can see i've been distracted. First of all, WE. ARE. ELATED. Words cannot describe it at all. There is no way. I truly never believed I'd see a positive pregnancy test again (since the ectopic in 2012). This is a full blown miracle. I texted some of my nearest and dearest friends before the transfer to update them, and I know in my heart that it was their prayers, my family's prayers, and our prayers that have gotten us to this point.
But we are pregnant with caution. I haven't been to the Dr. yet. That's Monday (in two days). That's when they'll check my beta levels and hopefully they're nice and high and will double as they should! I will feel much safer and comfortable with this in several weeks, but this is HUGE. HUGE!!!!!
Seriously, I have thanked God each day for letting me see a positive pregnancy test. Just knowing I've been pregnant for 5 days is a blessing and I'm living it up. SOAKING IT ALL IN! I'm thankful for this beyond words; if something should happen I will be devastated, but I will never quit being thankful for this day and the last 4 days that I HAVE BEEN PREGNANT! I have a renewed hope and happiness that I could have never imagined. God is so unbelievably good. Matt and I are blessed beyond measure and thank you thank you Lord for each moment I get to feel this!
Let me back up some. As you can see we've spent almost $100 on pregnancy test. I don't care. I'll spend another $100, it's like a Christmas miracle getting to see them. Here is a sum of the days I didn't update.
First, I apologize for non IVF/FET-ers out there but my lingo is for them. The 2dp5dt means two days past five day transfer. You could have a three day transfer as well. We had five day, meaning our embryo was 5 days old when it was transferred.
Last Sunday (2dp5dt) - We went to church; it was my first time to get out from modified bed rest, and it was nice! Carrie came over and stayed for a few hours. Ginnie came too. I needed it so badly! Had no idea how much I just needed my friends and needed to see people. They did my heart good which totally raised my spirits.
Last Monday (3dp5dt)- Work, BLAH! Starting to set it that I could or could not be pregnant and would know in the upcoming week!
Last Tuesday (4dp5dt) - Oh here we go. I was FOUR days past the five day transfer (meaning my baby embryo was 5 days old, so I was about 9 or so days past a typical ovulation time), and I decided to take a pregnancy test. Not just a pregnancy test, but a crappy one. And it was negative. I sat back down and Matt went to bed (he had no clue I'd done it). I sat in my chair and boo hoo-ed. It hurt so bad. The reality that this might not work. I prayed and prayed; those quivering, breathless, desperate types of prayers. I begged God that if it be in His will to PLEASE let this work out. To please make us parents of a healthy baby. That I accept His will, His PERFECT will, but please let this be it. For whatever reason, I marched back to that bathroom. Before i knew it I found the last non cheap pregnancy test in my drawer. A super fancy one First Response early result digital that had come free with the purchase of 3 others, and next thing I know I'm peeing on it at 11pm. WHY?????? I go about my go to bed routine, praying and praying to make me calm and accepting. I look at it, and OH MY. Clear as day it said the word YES with a +. YES +. Most beautiful thing I may have ever seen. I thought I was hallucinating. I woke Matt up and showed him. We just stared at each other in disbelief. I had to go back to my chair and just sit and relax before finally going to bed at midnight. It was a miracle.
I went to bed that night, Matt kinda woke up, and we fell asleep holding hands with our pillows wet from happy tears. This may really be happening. And even if it doesn't; God gave us this hope. We needed that more than anything.
Last Wednesday (5dpt5dt): I didn't take a test this morning; my plan was to buy out Walgreens' supply of them and take one that night. All day I thought about what had happened. I went for a walk because it was a beautiful day. I got worried while walking and started praying hard to please let this embryo grow and grow. I am trying to keep my prayers very focused on "Lord, if this be your will, please let this happen. Please let us have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby." While I was praying; right as I mentioned the embryo I felt a tiny pain in my gut. Like my embryo saying "hey i'm hanging on here!" It made me smile. Then I cried because I felt so thankful to have this hope.
This night I got home and took another test. For whatever reason I thought it should be darker. I spent this night obsessing over could it be a chemical pregnancy. I was so afraid and obsessive. Googling "pregnancy tests after a FET" and glaring at the images, "how dark should the positive line be at 5dp5dt," and "how common is a positive pregnancy test then a negative one." OBSESSIVE.
Last Thursday (6dp5dt): I got up and took a pregnancy test, but I KNEW I had to stop the obsessing. I had put myself into a depression. the line was still faint, but I just decided to let it all go. I couldn't force it to turn dark, but God had given us all this hope and it was going to allow us to move forward whether that be to a baby this time, or the next FET.
This morning Carrie texted me on my way in. I was bursting for some support because of my draining researching the previous night that had spiraled me into doubt. I needed my person! So, I texted and asked if I could call. I told her everything that was going on, and we were happy together and cautiously celebrating whatever God was allowing this to be! I felt SO much relief, and felt good again.
This night I took another test, and bam, it was noticeably darker. Ohhh, thank you Lord, answered prayer. I really needed this because I felt like I was at a cross roads. If it didn't get darker, maybe we were out (but okay), but if it did, that was a great step.
Last Friday (7dp5dt): I felt so much more confident in the testing now. I took my morning test and it was still dark. I have learned that morning tests are lighter than the night, although I've always been told and read that you should use your first morning urine. But whatevs.
This day was good, but sucked from a work standpoint. I got home at 7pm drained of work and wanting to quit (this is a frequent threat I make (to myself) to release my tension toward a stressful day...which can be often)
We had a good night hanging out with David, Erin, Ashley, and Dade. I was wanting to spill the beans so badly, but held it in. They commented on how calm I was. But I know I'm calm because I'm hiding the biggest best secret ever, and I'm spilling over with happiness and thankfulness each day I am pregnant!
Saturday (8dp5dt): The test line was so much darker now. Praise be to God!! My levels must be rising!
This was today...a busy day. I had a church session training meeting from 9:30-2pm. Then, i went for a walk to get my blood flowing, and ran into my parents so I walked with them. Then, Matt and I left for Memphis to see the 4:25 of American Sniper (good movie!), then we were going to eat at Houston's, but it was a 2 hour wait, so we ended up at Andrew Michael Italian Kitchen which was great! We ate at the bar because if not it'd have been a 3 hour wait. I had a great time. Matt told the bartender we were pregnant....haha bursting I tell ya!
So, now let me tell you my fears: miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, some other complication that keeps this embryo from becoming a wonderful healthy baby or healthy pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancy. I've been cramping, but read it's normal.
Here are my symptoms for girls who may be going through any of this:
Cramps: Felt like menstrual cramps, and began about 4dp5dt and haven't quit. They were more intense during 4 and 5dp5dt, but maybe that was implantation? They've stayed around though and I usually notice them at night.
Waking up earlier: I've woken up the past several mornings at 3am, or 4am, or 5am ready to go. Thankfully I've gone back to sleep, but this was weird.
Exhaustion: And maybe this is why I'm waking up more. I fell asleep 5-7dp5dt in my chair while trying my best to watch TV. This is odd. I mean uncontrollable I'm passing out from exhaustion then sleeping through the night tired.
Elevated Heart rate: so far this was only 5 and 6dp5dt, and I noticed more at night, especially when getting in bed and the morning of 7dp5dt. My resting heart rate was about 100. That's weird. Today it's better.
Dizziness: Just quick dizzy spells for the last several days.
That's it! The most noticeable is the cramping, but I wonder if that's progesterone. Probably.
So that's where we are. That's the long official update. Big news and lots of words. I am beyond thankful for the prayers we've had for us and this process. God is so very good. I trust where we are, and where we are going regardless of the results. As I said earlier, I would be heartbroken and devastated to lose this baby, but I am thankful and already full of thanks and hope from the last 5 days of knowing this can happen for us. This can really happen for us. I'm tearing up now thinking of that. I really had guarded myself and convinced myself it may just not be possible for us. But something has happened. Regardless of where this goes, we are here and having positive pregnancy tests, and this is NEW and DIFFERENT, and I am so hopeful that it is GOOD! WE DID IT! (and by we I mean God). THANK YOU, LORD! I'm forever grateful for these moments.
Below are pictures from the last several days. Sorry this post is so long!
I've replaced coffee with hot chocolate. Ouch caffeine withdrawals are for real! Crazy headache. But this helps:
Lunch from last Sunday. I tried a Lil Chickie, and it was goooooood.
My sweet buddies while me, Erin, Ginnie, and Matt watched Gone Girl
Hot chocolate is (well it has to be for now) the new coffee:
Larry and I sat on the front porch and enjoyed this 60 degree weather in January! I needed fresh air. This was Monday and I was off for MLK day. Perfect timing on the transfer. Plenty of time for rest!
I already missed a nice beverage...and really this wasn't bad at all. Just one, though, and I'm full. But it tastes a lot like Bud light or Miller light.
Tuesday (prior to taking the test). Matt ordered me these sunglasses as a gift for what I've gone through over the past several weeks. He deserves a gift, too! I was impressed though. These are Yves Saint Laurent, and he saw them, thought they'd look good on me, and ordered them on major sale from Amazon. I like them! And thankful for him:)
THIS WAS IT! This is what I saw later that night after bawling my eyes out over the one at the bottom that looked very negative to me.
Matt getting my progesterone shot ready
Another test....this was my obsessive night. Super faint and I was worried.
We had spring rolls for dinner
I panicked a bit Thursday morning after obsessing, and took a clear blue digital as well as a FRER. It said the word pregnant so I didn't have to squint and obsess over the shade and coloring of the line test.
Thursday night, 6dp5dt, the line looked darker. YAY YAY YAY!!!! it's at the top. Yes, we spent almost $100 on pregnancy tests. SMALL expense for the peace of mind. Once you start; you can't stop (well, i can't anyway; more power to those who can!)
You may be in your 2ww from your FET cycle if your garbage can looks like:
Line comparisons...yay, it really turned a corner here. In two days!! Which is how often levels should double, so this was making me feel soooo much better!
This is pure joy.
Tears of thanks.
I am still in shock.
Saturday night. We had a date night (movie/dinner) and had to get creative on a progesterone shot locale. We finally went to Ben and Jerry's because they have unisex bathrooms. We walked in together. I'm sure peeps thought we were up to no good. :) We were entertained.
Sorry, I'm holding my dress up from the shot.
mmmm, dinner at Andrew Michael Italian Kitchen
And, we'll end with this absolute beautiful sight; sorry I realize it may be gross for some, (it is a pee stick after all), but for fellow fertility issue ridden peeps and IVF/FET-ers, this is just gorgeous and worth a frame:
Loving tonight's test. Lines are same darkness, now!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment