Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da: Day 78 jan 9, Friday

Work pretty much sucked this week. WAY too much pressure and stress. I don't want to go into it too much in case I ever make these public, but it's just tough sometimes trying to be a good 'coach/manager.' Very frustrating week this week.

So i needed wine. Lots of wine.

I didn't want to do much tonight, and Matt and I couldn't think of anything that we were craving, so we got a wild hair and decided to eat all the 'saving for later' foods. It started with "let's try those meats from blackberry farms" and then moved to eating everything we had that was a 'special' food.

We ate the meats from blackberry farms, the pesto from blackberry farms, I mixed the pesto with these noodles I got from an international market that are supposedly from Italy, I used my all time favorite olive oil (Olave, from Chile...it's a Whole Foods and the best i've ever had), we ate the chocolates we brought back from Switzerland (they were expired but still good), and we ate the cornichons we brought back from Germany. I also opened a wine that I was semi waiting on.

And the cheeses were from the renowned Food Rite in Somerville, haha.

It was excellent.

It's fun to save things for a special occasion, but it's easy to forget to eat/use those things! I'm so glad we decided to tonight. It was great! The only special occasion was moving these items from the fridge or pantry and into our bellies:) But, hey, it's a special occasion every day that you decide it to be!

Anyway, i go back to work mentally...and it's stressing me out. It always does. My job puts a lot of pressure on me. My team is responsible for a $1.2 billion dollar budget (store payroll), and we get tons of pressure from all angles. Trying to manage this, manage making sure stores get schedules each week, and managing multiple projects, and always trying to think of what the next question is going to be or how we can improve and become more efficient makes me crazy sometimes. On top of that managing a team can be draining, but thank the Lord I have a great team. The draining part is making sure your always developing them correctly and giving the right direction and blah and blah.

I don't talk about my job in detail much, but it feels so heavy at times. I'm not saving lives or anything, the 'responsibility' and expectation/consequence of not delivering what's needed can drain me. I enjoy working hard. I always want to do the best I can do. The most important thing for me is being a good leader and example and developing the people on my team to be the best they can be and realize their potential and facilitating a career that will make them happy (that's my teacher passion coming out...ya know that profession I have yet to obtain). I expect a lot of myself (don't we all), and I know I can be hard on myself, but I just suck at the whole compartmentalization. I just can't do it. If something is not jiving at work it comes right over into other areas of life.

My job prior to the one I have today was gratifying and MUCH less stressful. But, much less responsibility and leadership potential. But I miss it somedays. I can't force myself to move backwards, but sometimes I wonder how much farther can I go if I want a family. Don't get me wrong this job is very gratifying. And, it's rewarding, too. And, I feel like people appreciate us and the difference we make and the hard work we do.

But sometimes I wonder how much my job causes stress that could keep me from being in the right physical and mental position to make a baby. It's all just concern and sadness over my infertility, but I resent the stress from my job sometimes (i'm sure most normal people do). I'm not that person who says, "i LOVE my job and can't wait to get to work in the morning." nope. I don't. But I do love the challenge and how it forces me out of my comfort zone and makes me realize my capabilities that I never knew existed. My job in few ways utilizes what I always thought were my natural abilities. I work hard to do my job, and for that I really am proud. But somedays I get tired of trying. Gah, doesn't this sound depressing. Well, then what am I naturally geared for? Who knows. Maybe a Labor Scheduling Manager, in Store Operations at AutoZone Inc. I guess I don't know today:)

I always thought I'd be a teacher/professor, or someone who interacts directly with others to help them in some way (social worker, occupational therapist, counselor, etc type job)...even a writer....but what i do is so far from that, HA! But, my job does use some of my creative stuff. But in a mathematical or scientific way usually (wtf is that--is that even possible), or in a leadership way. So, i guess that's good.

I'm a right brain living in a left brain world.

Again. It's made me open up the left brain. So it's kinda cool. And, people tell me I do a great job. And I keep getting opportunities, not just in promotion, but within my role, so I'm happy about that.

That's it. My vent. My rant. My total type-vomit.

Overall, guess what. I'm thankful, so TOTALLY thankful for my job. If nothing else, because I work for an amazing company with amazing people. AutoZone is the freaking bomb. It's an incredible place to work and the culture is something I'll never lose regardless of where I am throughout life. I love AutoZone. I just let the grind get me down sometimes. And, i want to be sure I'm the right person for this and not forcing it. But, supposedly, that can be a normal way of thinking. Y'all...i'm challenged daily. I work with a bunch of smarties and in a convoluted crazy corporate retail world... but these peeps are so talented and it really makes me strive to be better. Really. I'm surrounded by great people who challenge me to be better. That's great. But it's tough too! I need to learn to come up for air more often.

Amanda

After the day I had, this was a total day topper...why, cork, whyyyyy