Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da: Day 76, Jan 7, Wednesday

I had my second visit at the Dr. today.

I think it went well. I had a uterine lining of 9.5 and estrodial (like estrogen) level of 491. They said these were good numbers. Sorry, I don't just tell you this thinking it means something :) (well, for those who have or are going through it, it may), but I want to have record in case (hopefully i don't) i do this again, or need reference for a friend down the road.

So, today I was stuck in traffic forevs, so I had to run in and do my shot sans icing. And it went ok! yay for that!

Here are some more updates from the day.

Start taking doxycyline this Sunday
Start taking prednisone this Sunday
Start taking progesterone this Sunday (administered into the buttocks by Dr. Matt....woo)

Then, next Thursday, someone will call and confirm what time to come in Friday, and Friday I will have the transfer!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!

Here is my current predicament. Matt and I want to transfer 1 embryo. We talked about this with the Dr and everyone (at least I thought so). Today, I happened to asked the nurse about the transfer process and she mentioned, "well you have a max of 2 embryos you want transferred, so...." wait a tick! what? I corrected her, and she said, "oh no big deal, we'll make the change on your chart."

So, later today a different nurse calls back with my instructions for meds, and I mention the 1 vs 2 embryo transfer. She confirmed it was now noted...I had questions about how they would thaw the embryos, and had heard sometimes they freeze 2 together, and if so, can they thaw then re-freeze one? She said I should call the embryologist.

I did. He called me back, and I told him my deal. He said, 'oh we thought you wanted to transfer 2.' Then, he went on to explain that of my 5 frozen embryos, the 2 highest quality were frozen together in the same "Straw" (maybe that's a test tube), and the remaining 3 are frozen separately. He said, they could thaw the second straw that contained our 3rd best quality embryo and transfer that, or they could thaw the two best and after thawing choose the best, and if I still didn't want to transfer 2, they could refreeze.

I was kind of sad. Like, it can't be good to freeze-thaw-freeze-thaw an embryo. Poor thing! And one of our 'best quality.' UGH! WHYYYYY. It's not that we wouldn't love twins, but there are so many possible complications, we wanted to at least start with 1, and hope that was a success! Again, not that we're against the possibility of twins. It's just not where we are today. This cycle. I am holding on to one little embryo being our success and making us a baby. But, now I'm a little stressed over this predicament.

You really don't think about the range of decisions you'll be making when you embark on this process. Oh well.

I think we are going to thaw the straw 1, which contains TWO. And we'll transfer the best, and re-freeze the other. IF the other thaws and is not of good quality for freezing BUT good quality for transfer, we will choose to transfer that, too, for hoping to allow it to survive in my uterus vs. disposal.

Our main goal in this was to give each embryo a chance. Them freezing 2 has somewhat forced us into a possibility of transferring two at some point, because we'd do that before disposing or any other option (assuming re-freezing becomes impossible...by the way, they will only freeze if the embryo is a certain quality and sometimes thawing 'could' decrease the quality in which it was originally frozen).....way too much info. For me, too. Can't imagine the reader of this, so I apologize. But, these are my thoughts. I'm a little peeved that they froze two together and have put us in this decision, but here we are. And we'd rather face the possibility of twins today vs down the road. I know God has a plan, and we're just living it, but much of this (as always) has not gone as I had thought. But what does?! ha. That's life, Amanda, deal.

For anyone reading who has gone through this and chosen other things along the way PLEASE do not think I'm judging other decisions...these are just ours for now and where our hearts are leading us, so don't feel that I think other paths are wrong...they're just not ours today. I want to make that clear because if nothing else this has taught me there are SO many ways to go about this and so many choices involved. Each case is specific and special and you have to make the decisions you feel led to make with the information you have available.

Ughhhhhh, so that's where we are. I'm excited, don't let my ughs take away from the excitement. But, I'm tiring of it a bit today (that comes and goes, you can't exist in a constant level of woop). I'm a bit anxious of taking all those meds again starting Sunday...the prednisone did not work well with me last time and I asked for something different and they 'had no other options.'

Sorry, i haven't talked much about this, but the clinic i'm going to has made some annoying errors along the way. Ones that if I hadn't asked about something or triple checked, I'd have messed up on things. And, Matt and I are both meticulous about this and in our jobs have to CYA (cover your ass) on everything, so we have a follow up 100 times mentally and are used to creating processes that are redundant but reduce risk of errors, so I can't imagine what it'd be like for someone who totally trusts the dr.'s and nurses with no questioning. ugh.

how many times have I said ugh.

moving on.

Prayers for renewed hope and trust in this process and big thanks to all who have even made this a possibility (nurses, doctors, embryologists, friends, family, animals). That's truly how I feel; just burned out for the moment.

Amanda

This is my face when I almost forgot to take my Lupron injection Monday. I had gotten home from work, settled into my chair, was reading a book, and Matt was like, "did you take your shot?" What???!! I was like 15 minutes late, so I jumped up and took it, no icing. It was fine.